I’m starting to feel like what’s for me is not for me. Ever had that thought well maybe if I would have just kept it to myself I would have gotten further with it. Maybe I got too excited. Maybe it wasn’t meant for me? Maybe I wasn’t good enough. You know just infused with lots of self-doubt. Which I know very well is not good for positive thoughts, vibrations and simply to get you out of your own feelings.
I first started to notice that if my husband and I were going down a good path. Just getting along. The house is in order and I mention that to someone in casual conversation I kid you not we argue that next moment and it gets heated. Then I’m left to wonder am I in this alone? Is Marriage for me? The next thing I noticed was getting excited to work with a producer from the Daytime Emmy Award Winning Talk Show CBS’s The Talk not once but twice. I told everyone who would listen in my circle. I was happy. That fell through both times. I went so far as to sign the release form did I mention twice. I couldn’t help but be disappointed. Sometimes I wonder if I had unrealistic expectations. I was on a search to find an African American Female Therapist. I talk for several days on my blog, my snapchat, and to my friends about how exited I was to find a therapist. Only to find out when we spoke that she is not accepting new patients. I was bummed. I confessed my favorite shoe store was all shoes 9.99 and they went out of business! Okay that may be extreme but you get my drift.
I’m kind of to the point where I’m scared to speak on anything. In the fear of losing it or not getting the change to enjoy it. Not sure where this negative cloud came from but I’m ready for it to be over! What I can say is despite the negativity good things have been happening too, although I didn’t get a chance to be on CBS’s The Talk, I was on a radio station broadcasting in 179 countries and offered a role in the play, “Love Never Fails”. I networked with a media producer for BET and other networks as well. The podcast I’m a part of is rolling out good content (Listen to us here : https://m.soundcloud.com/wehavenoideapodcast). The therapist gave me a reference to another person who is closer to my home. I found some balance in my marriage and my shoe game still isn’t bad.
I have been hit with a lot of no’s lately, but if you profess that you want to be Oprah how do you think you are going to get there? The road to get there may be narrow, wide, hilly, or may be even an a few fender benders on the way, just always know how you get to you destination will always be for you.
Kylie Jenner… I’m coming for you